Online Tribute to Cronan Thompson

 December 10, 1979
November 1, 1999

"There went the black guy. Sigh."

-Cronan reviewing the death of Mr. Trick on Buffy.

Cronan Maliki Jamel Thompson (also known throughout the ages as Plain and Simple Cronan, Nanorc, and AI at JPL), was a good friend to many in his all-too-short life. Cronan's personality was unique; he would say anything to anyone, regardless of what they thought. Though he didn't always make sense, he did always make you think and most definitely made you laugh. A controversial figure on his beloved Usenet, Cronan was a legend to some, nemesis to others, and friend to many. The outpouring of sorrow and support that followed his death was a testament of the power of the personal connections one can make even in a text-based medium. Cronan passed away the morning of November 1, 1999, at the end of a six-month battle with Hodgkin's Disease, a form of lymphoma cancer. He was 19 years old.

"I often find my opinions stick out like an erection in a lesbian bar."

-Cronan's Words of Wisdom

This tribute has been organized by Cronan's friends to publish some of his many writings, as well as to express our own opinions on his life. Our hope is that this website will serve to bring his friends together -- not only those who knew him face-to-face, but also those who came to know Cronan through the internet.

Cronan's Writings and Ravings:

Messages from Cronan's Friends

Cronan's Favorite Song

"Those wizened prognosticators of old foretold what was destined to be using techniques thought lost in the mists of antiquity. They spoke of a man, a man plain and simple yet with the potential to safeguard mankind from the coming dangers. He is Cronan, our only hope."

-Wizened old guy wearing no pants by the freeway

Cronan's Writings and Ravings

Stories and rants:

"Any misspellings in the abuve ritings are halusinasions. Egnore dem!!!"

-Cronan Thompson

Conspiracy theories:

"...I once killed a man with a 3.5in floppy."

-Cronan Thompson

Articles and such:

"...All I'm saying is that Tipper Gore looks a lot like the Y2K Bug."

-Cronan Thompson

Wacky-laces and other Usenet stuff:

"...They [doctors] really don't like it when you complain about pains that aren't there, and then explain that you just wanted them to feel you up."

-Cronan Thompson

Song parodies:

"God's master plan for her creation goes something like this: 'Screw you. I'm going on vacation.'"

-Cronan Thompson

Reviews and Things I Learned:

"The US was late for the last two world wars, so they're making damned sure they'll be on time for the next one!"

-Cronan's Words of Wisdom

Selected MSTings:

"Know the power of mighty Cronzilla! [Cronan launches into a withering rebuttal of everything that anyone has ever said about anything. Ever.] And that's why refrigerators are cold."

-Cronan Thompson, Flame Wars XI: The Empire Kicks Back


"I was there when the shit hit the fan in Vietnam. I was there man. We ran ops deep into Canada. We were elite man. We knew how to kill Charlie even when he was disguised as an evil Quebecer. We were that good."

-Cronan Thompson (born 1979)

Messages from Cronan's Friends

Note: More messages may be added as time goes by. If you knew Cronan and would like to write something, please e-mail it to Brendan Dillon.

"When shit happens, you should do shit about that shit in order to get to a higher plane of shit and shit on others."

-Cronan's Words of Wisdom

Cronan's Favorite Song

In closing, we would like to add an MP3 of Cronan's favorite song, "Stuck In the Middle With You" by Stealer's Wheel. He sometimes put the Reservoir Dogs soundtrack on "repeat" and listen to this song ten times or more in a row. His family played it for him one last time at his memorial service, and now I would like to share it with his friends online.

"Stuck In the Middle With You" -- Stealer's Wheel -- 3.1 MB.

"I could cry tears of bacon fat."

-Cronan Thompson