November 1, 1999
Cronan Maliki Jamel Thompson (also known throughout the ages as Plain and Simple Cronan, Nanorc, and AI at JPL), was a good friend to many in his all-too-short life. Cronan's personality was unique; he would say anything to anyone, regardless of what they thought. Though he didn't always make sense, he did always make you think and most definitely made you laugh. A controversial figure on his beloved Usenet, Cronan was a legend to some, nemesis to others, and friend to many. The outpouring of sorrow and support that followed his death was a testament of the power of the personal connections one can make even in a text-based medium. Cronan passed away the morning of November 1, 1999, at the end of a six-month battle with Hodgkin's Disease, a form of lymphoma cancer. He was 19 years old.
This tribute has been organized by Cronan's friends to publish some of his many writings, as well as to express our own opinions on his life. Our hope is that this website will serve to bring his friends together -- not only those who knew him face-to-face, but also those who came to know Cronan through the internet.
"Those wizened prognosticators of old foretold what was destined to be using techniques thought lost in the mists of antiquity. They spoke of a man, a man plain and simple yet with the potential to safeguard mankind from the coming dangers. He is Cronan, our only hope."
Stories and rants:
- Cronan's Conversation With God -- Delilah (a.k.a. God) reveals the secret of the exploding sandwiches. (1998)
- Supermarket-Related Adventures -- A day in the life of Cronan. (1998)
- Flame Wars XI: The Empire Kicks Back -- The Kamikaze Peep Squad attacks Timothy Jones. (1998)
- Someone Stole My Wallet -- It was the midget ninja lesbians, you see.... (1997)
- Me and My Cancer -- Coming soon to a Usenet post near you. (1999)
- When the Borg Encounter Voyager... -- A Star Trek parody. (1996)
- What if Janeway strutted onto the bridge naked? -- Another Star Trek parody. (1997)
- Cronan's Fornigate Rant #1 -- The lengths the media will take to stretch the news. (1998)
- Cronan's Fornigate Rant #2 -- Kathy Lee is brought into the fold. God help us all. (1998)
- Nanorc, the Slave? -- Cronan rants about his hospital bill. (1999)
- Cronan Opens a Can of Fresh Whoop Ass -- From the defunct Star Trek: Phoenix RPG. (1997/8?)
- The Whys and Wherefores of Butter (1998)
- The Worf-Pooh Conspiracy -- The truth about Winnie the Pooh's relations with Star Trek's Lt. Worf. (1996)
- The Khan-Wilson-Wonder Woman Conspiracy -- What happens when we stay up all night watching bad movies. (Co-written with Brendan Dillon, 1997)
- Barney and Catholicism -- The shocking similarities. (1998)
- A True Trek Conspiracy -- Disney's behind it, of course. (1996)
- Babylon 5/Voyager: The Similarities Revealed -- An amazing comparison of sci-fi TV. (1998)
- South Park/Voyager/WebTV: Chilling Parallels Revealed -- This one needs no explanation. (1997)
- If I become head of a vast conspiracy -- Wisdom from the master. (1998)
Articles and such:
- Y2K Is A Leap Year! -- A shocking news update. (1998)
- The Conservation of Sense Theory -- Need I say more? (1997)
- Easy Ways to Spot Super Villains -- As opposed to regular villains. (1998)
- Cronan's Introduction -- Cronan talks about his family and life in general. (1996)
- The Reasons Behind B5's Crusade -- It's all about the money. (1998)
- Ways to Improve New York City -- Civic management, Cronan style. (Date unknown)
- Some Thoughts On The Internet (Date unknown)
- Something on the News -- A response to a rather amazing statement. (1997)
- Seventy Reasons Why Sisko is the Best Captain (Date unknown)
- Borg Breasts -- What they mean to the Collective. (1998)
- If I Become A Starfleet Captain -- In the proud tradition of Peter's Evil Overlord List. (Date unknown)
- A Gay Character on Star Trek -- Thoughts on the ST:FC rumor, and how Trek can push the envelope. (1996)
- My Grandmother and I could kick the Borg's Collective Ass (1996)
- Thoughts on immortality -- Does Conner MacLeod's brain get full? (1997)
- Kirk vs. Picard vs. Sisko vs. That Bitch -- The post that sparked Cronan's first real flame war. (1996)
- Muppet/Star Trek Crossover imminent! -- Found in Reuters-Variety. (1997)
- OJ Simpson to Donate Star Trek Equipment to LAPD (1996)
- An Open Letter to Paramount Pictures (1996)
- Cronan's Shit List (Date unknown)
- I Don't Remember Saturday Mornings (1999)
- The Cochrane Collection -- Thirty-six articles from a Star Trek-themed newsletter, some of them predating Cronan's Usenet days. (1995-1998)
Wacky-laces and other Usenet stuff:
- Who is D-- T-----? -- Cronan's entry to Captain Infinity's Wackylace Contest. (1999)
- Troy Heagy please read this! -- A wackylace of a wackylace. (1999)
- Down with the teen movie critic -- Another double-wackylace. (1999)
- My shrink is really pissing me off -- A wackylace (1999)
- Real Hard Science Fiction -- A wackylace (1998)
- Shatner was paid 100G to talk about dead wife -- A wackylace (1999)
- Re: Babylon/Crusade Hate Page -- A wackylace (1999)
- The Missing War -- From a Usenet discussion on DS9's Dominion War. (1998)
- Cronan No Longer -- After returning from his first hospital stay, Nanorc explains his new identity. (1999)
- Americans Are SMART TWO! (1998)
- JMS Meets Cronan -- The creator of Babylon 5 finds out who he's dealing with in an old flame war. (1998)
- Who D-- T----- really is -- A speculation on Usenet über-trolling and personas. (1999)
- Chris's continuing obsession with me (1998)
Reviews and Things I Learned:
- Things I Learned From X-Files: The Movie -- Ever notice....? (1998)
- Things I Learned From Team Knight Rider -- Written after watching the first episode. (1997)
- Things I Learned From Lost In Space: The Movie -- Arguably the best "Things" ever. (1998)
- Things I Learned From Starship Troopers (1997)
- A Future History of Whoop Ass -- How various Babylon 5 races open up a can. (1998)
- Lust in Space -- A translation for the bullshit-impaired. (1997)
- Cronan's Review of B5's "In the Beginning" (1998)
- Things I learned from Jurassic Park 2: The Lost World (1997)
- Babylon 5 vs. Deep Space Nine FAQ (1997)
- Kirk's Enterprise vs. Picard's Enterprise (1997)
- Cronan's Summer Movie Preview 1998 -- Cronan tells us what we're going to watch. (1998)
- Things I Learned From Wing Commander (1999)
- I Am Star Trek's Messiah -- Eloquent words from his post-fanboy recovery days. (1997)
- Things I Learned From the 1997 Oscars (1998)
- Godzilla as a Tragic Comedy (1998)
- Why I Watch Voyager (1997)
- Why I should be Voyager's Head Writer (1997)
- MSTing Clinton's Confession -- Mystery Science Theater 3000 takes on the Fornigate scandal. (1998)
- Cronan MSTs Cronan -- Cronan's unfinished symphony. (1999)
- MSTing "Star Trek: First Contact" (1998)
- MSTing Babylon 5's "Into The Fire" (1998)
- MSTing "Alien: Resurrection" (1998)
- MSTing B5's "Thirdspace" (1998)
- MSTing B5's "Sleeping in Light" (1998)
"Know the power of mighty Cronzilla! [Cronan launches into a withering rebuttal of everything that anyone has ever said about anything. Ever.] And that's why refrigerators are cold."
- Cronan's Words of Wisdom -- Words so wise he had to put up a website dedicated to them. (1996)
- Cronan's Quotes of Wisdom -- Cronan's collection of important quotes. (1996)
- I Want To Be Your Next Federation President -- Cronan's campaign speech for president of the United Federation of Planets. (1997)
- The GodFAQ -- How the universe really works. (1997)
- Norman the Elf -- The three inch tall, blue, sadistic elf who lived on Cronan's shoulder. (1996)
- The Pocket Shuttlecraft -- Cronan's vehicle of choice. (1996/7?)
- FAQ for alt.tv.southpark (1997)
- Four Star Trek Top Ten Lists -- Things you'll never hear the Captains say. (Co-written with Brendan Dillon, 1996)
- Translation of the Ten Commandments -- What God really meant. (Date unknown)
- Cumbersome Member Syndrome -- IYKWIM. (1999)
- Contract for the transfer of a human soul -- Cronan tried to convince several friends to sell him their souls. (Date unknown)
"I was there when the shit hit the fan in Vietnam. I was there man. We ran ops deep into Canada. We were elite man. We knew how to kill Charlie even when he was disguised as an evil Quebecer. We were that good."
Note: More messages may be added as time goes by. If you knew Cronan and would like to write something, please e-mail it to Brendan Dillon.
- From a Friend -- by Podkayne Fries.
- From Another Friend -- by Tom Holt.
- From a Third Friend -- by Mary Q, the Lady in Green.
- Plain and Simple -- A poem by Blackhawk.
- Celebrating Cronan -- by Jaime de Castellvi.
- Kermit Krab says goodbye -- by Captain Infinity.
- A Fellow Poster Has Passed Away -- Wackylaced by The Witch of Endor.
- What Cronan Knew -- by WWS.
- Another letter -- by Robert Hewitt Wolfe.
- [Track 6] He's Leaving Servo -- A parody song by Blackhawk.
- My Thoughts -- by David E. Powell.
- Trek vs. Wars and Cronan -- by Wayne Poe.
- Another letter -- by Gary Farber.
- From an enemy... and friend -- by Amarna.
- Another letter -- by Tracy Freeling.
- Another letter -- by Arthur Levesque.
- Remembering Cronan: The Internet Legend -- by Franklin Harris. (outside link)
- Another letter -- by William Sean Robertson.
- Worf's Brother is Pooh -- A song parody by Wayland and Brendan.
- Cronan's Promotion -- by Brendan Dillon.
In closing, we would like to add an MP3 of Cronan's favorite song, "Stuck In the Middle With You" by Stealer's Wheel. He sometimes put the Reservoir Dogs soundtrack on "repeat" and listen to this song ten times or more in a row. His family played it for him one last time at his memorial service, and now I would like to share it with his friends online.
"Stuck In the Middle With You" -- Stealer's Wheel -- 3.1 MB.