Kirk vs. Picard vs. Sisko vs. That Bitch

(Cronan Thompson)

All four Captains are standing around in the middle of a time space anomaly and chatting about their various adventures when the subject of women comes up.

"Well I had lots of 'em but they always died on me," says Kirk.

"I had this one but a trans-galactic being with powers beyond your comprehension arrived and I never saw her again," said Picard, as an almost nostalgic memory of Vash rolled through his shiny cranium.

"Fried her did he?" questions Kirk nonchalantly.

"No, she went willingly," says Picard, a reddish tinge rising in his cheeks.

"You deserve it you murdering bastard," shouts Sisko. "...I am sorry. I don't know what came over me....," he says in an almost bewildered voice shaking his head.

"That whole Borg thing? I hear some people got shot at and stuff.... I was under a desk looking for some paper clips when they attacked. I bumped my head. Boy did that smart." injects Janeway.

"How in all hell did you get a ship? How in all hell did you become a captain?" says Kirk. "And what the hell is a Borg? Sounds like a Klingon with a knife in his throat." he adds.

"That kind of joke is inappropriate sir. Do you wish to destroy the peace? Please take it back or else." says Janeway, "Besides I got my job the old fashioned way: I slept with an admiral."

"Which one?" asks Sisko. The curiosity pushing aside the psychosis in him because he got his job the same way.

"Nacheyev," she says and turns back to face Kirk, "If you don't take it back I'll beat you in the head till it's soft."

"Ewwwwwww Nacheyev is ugly. And she always smells funny too." says Picard.

"She? SHE? You are one of those lesbos aren't yah?" says Kirk, barely stifiling a giggle.

"Alright thats it," says Janeway. Janeway does a triple spinning back birdkick and knocks Kirk's head off his shoulders.

"Wait let's negotiate!!!!" Picard screams like a girl just as Janeway's boot connects.

"Oh shut up," says Sisko. In the the same moment as the words leave his lips, a phaser appears in his hand and he shoots Picard and Janeway dead, who was shuffling through Kirk's pockets for stuff to take back to Voyager.

"Well I've done my good deed for the day," announces Sisko in a gratified tone. "I should go blow something up. That would be cool, huh huh huh. Explosions rule."

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