Translation of the Ten Commandments

....What God really meant

(Cronan Thompson)

I get some really strong vibes about what God really meant so here goes:

(1) the prologue and prohibition of the worship of any deity but God;

The vibe I get from this particular commandment is, "Chill with other gods but don't go with the guy who wans you to eat feces."

(2) prohibition of idolatry;

Don't worship your car.

(3) prohibition of the use of the name of God for vain purposes;

Since it is unclear what vain means I wouls assume that God means don't change your name to god.

(4) observance of the Sabbath;

Take a vacation every seven days.

(5) honoring of one's father and mother;

Put them in nursing home as soon as possible.

(6) prohibition of murder;

Don't kill people who you like. Everyone else is okay.

(7) prohibition of adultery;

Don't get caught by your priest, rabbi or other spiritual leader.

(8) prohibition of stealing;

Don't steal it ...... unless you really really need it for a party.

(9) prohibition of giving false testimony;

Predoction of the OJ Simpson trial.

(10) prohibition of coveting the property or wife of one's neighbor.

Watch but don't touch.

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