Cronan's Fornigate Rant #1

(Cronan Thompson)

From:         "Plain and Simple Cronan" <>
Subject:      This has gotten way out of hand....
Date:         29 Jan 1998 00:00:00 GMT
Message-ID:   <6anbfr$>
Organization: Wierd
Newsgroups:   alt.politics.clinton,,

You know that whole blowjob Lewinsky gave Clinton? Well I deserve one
after watching the morning shows.

I tell you that between Good Morning America and the Today show
EVERYONE got to be on TV this morning.

Let's look at the people who on TV but had no business there:

The son of the lady who suggested to someone else that they might want
to tape record conversations with a woman who might have slept with
the president

The drama teacher who went on TV with his lawyer and his wife looking
beatific that he probably had his wee willy in a place where the
president might have put his some time later.

People who have written books that no one read about feeding frenzies
in the media. Strangely enough, no one in the media has noticed that
if they didn't bring up the fact that they were on a feeding frenzy no
one would notice.

Linda Elerby, host of Nick News, was on talking about something
important. Unfortunately I had to change back to Hilary yelling
conspiracy on ABC

Now the people who are regulars on TV but for the wrong reasons:

Drudge, whose reliability for information is inversely proportional to
the size of his ears, managed to get on the news the other day was
shown several times.

Hillary Clinton, who enjoyed yelling "CONSPIRACY!" yesterday and again
today, was on TV doing just that. Using that fancy lawyer talking she
managed to say nothing other than OH MY GAWD, REPUBLICANS KILLED BILL,

George Stephanoloeufasfsdsgwwpopwgjwo, who used to spin the media like
a drunk Harlem Globetrotter, is now an analyst who sounds suspicously
like he still works for Billy Boy.

I wish to take this opportunity to announce that I am the only person
in the United States who has not had sexual relations with either of
the Ted Kazinskis, Monica Lewinsky or the Clintons.

Of course I have dreadlocks and people in power just aren't attracted
to long, nappy hair...


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