My grandmother and I could
kick the Borg's collective ass!

(Cronan Thompson)

After thinking back to the way the Borg walk and attack in First Contact, I would like to briefly point out that they are vaguely reminiscent of the Mummy. You know that slow, critically injured fellow who would always catch you even thought he couldn't run worth a damn?

Well I was thinking that if I had been on the Enterprise, I would have done one of the following things after Picard ordered me to hold my ground:

  1. I would gotten a really long and pointed stick and run around pushing them over. Afterall, once they went down they didn't exactly have the means to get up. After an hour of pushing them down I would have gotten a really sharp object and dismembered them.
  2. I would have gotten really heavy stuff from around the ship and thrown it at them. Let's face facts, folks: the Borg can't catch.
  3. I would have sent my grandmother to talk to them. She would have carefully and longwindedly explained exactly Jamaicans are perfect, interspersed with comments on her ugly rat dog, not the Borg.
  4. After replicating one of those antipersonnel weapons (ala Terminator 2) or some simple 9mm revolvers (ala John Woo) I would have proceeded to shoot at each Borg until dead.
  5.  If the Borg, by some miracle of modern technobable, had adapted to the frequency of the bullets I would have replicated a couple of throwing knives, swords, lasers (not phasers), and crossbows. After a quick battle with the Borg, who would die most painfully due to the fact that for some reason the most techno-centric beings in the Galaxy have no energy weapons, I would remove the implants from Troi's chest.
  6. After turning off the gravity on all decks and letting them float about for a while, I would use magnetic boots and another of those long pointy sticks and poked them for a bit until someone turned the gravity back on and they all landed on thier very soft heads.
  7. If all of these painfully obvious ways of defeating these once strong and fearful foes failed, I would then use the deadliest weapon of all. Running straight at them and kicking the first one in those little conga lines they love to travel in. Can you say dominos ??

In "Best of Both Worlds" we learned to fear the Borg. They were merciless and uncaring. They didn't hate you, they just wanted your technological and biological distinctivness. But even there, we saw that the Borg ships were the truly dangerous things, not the Borg themselves. Once you get by their ships, they become as dangerous as tribbles in a barrel of water.

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