What if Janeway strutted onto the bridge naked?

(Cronan Thompson)

<Turbolift doors open and Janeway steps out to the standard bridge crew>

Janeway: <moves toward seat> Chakotay, what is the status on the antimatter generator?

Paris turns around, Kim and Tuvok: <stunned into silence>

Chakotay: It is al....<looks up> What the hell?

Janeway: Is there a problem? <turns to look at Paris after looking at Kim and Tuvok>

Kim: errrrr... <goes wobbly at the knees>

Tuvok: Captain are you aware you are, to use a coloquilism, naked as a Jaybird.

Janeway: Yuppers, and I don't see a problem. After all I still have my rank insignia on.

Chakotay: But it is were you have them. Do you really think a smiley face in that spot is appropriate?

<female crew members are rolling on the floor laughing, male crew members are staring>

Kim: <faints dead away>

<ship shakes>

Janeway: What was that?

Tuvok: Paris almost rammed an asteroid.

Paris And I'd do it again if I could watch her jiggle that way.<brings ship to full stop>

Chakotay: Captain are you all right?

Janeway: Yuppers, and I feel I have liberated my soul.

Nameless crewman: That ain't all she liberated.

Crewwoman: That's a bitchin tatoo.

Janeway: Yeah, I had the doc put it on

Same crewwoman: How did he make it jump from one to the other like that??

<Kim begins getting up with help from a different crewwoman who is still laughing hysterically>

Paris: God, what I wouldn't give for a holorecorder and Romulan Ale right now.

Kim: I got one in my quarters. Hold that pose....<turns and runs toward lift> <stops> umm Ma'am. <turns back toward lift and gets in>

Janeway: Didn't you guys ever take anatomy? <goes to her seat shaking her head>

Tuvok: Of course we also took abnormal psychology.

Crewman: Never thought I'd ever have to apply both, at the same time, to my captain though.

<Neelix, B'Ellana, Kim, and Kes run onto the bridge just as Janeway sits>

Janeway: Mr. Paris, get us moving again at Warp 4.

Kim: Damn it. She moved

Paris <turning away from Janeway reluctantly>: Intiating warp engines.

Neelix: Can I walk around that way?

Tuvok: Hell no, Mr. Talaxian.

Paris: Kes is okay though.

Kim: Can I do it too?

Chakotay: And me too

And then I woke up.....

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