Cronan MSTs Cronan

(Cronan Thompson, courtesy of Blackhawk)

From: (Blackhawk)
Subject:      Cronan's unfinished symphony
Date:         02 Nov 1999 00:00:00 GMT
Message-ID:   <>
Organization: Search for Internet Text-based Intelligence

I'll probably start some shit storm by posting this, but as TheWitch pointed
out, that makes the tribute all the more fitting. I was looking over my own
archive (prompted by the Rev. and Cap. re-posting their favorites) when I came
across the unfinished piece that appears below. 

It started during a post back in July where Cap (responding to some MSTie
who'd wandered into Servo by mistake) said:

> Subject: Re: Why all the clutter?
> Date: Tue, 20 Jul 1999 17:56:26 -0400
> From: Captain Infinity <>
> > I think Blackhawk should do a Cronan parody.  Then Cronan could MST it.

Cronan wrote me privately to say he was "game" so I got to work. My Cronan
parody appeared the next day, July 21, under the title "Underated by
hypocrites to make a playground for fools...Ý(was Re: Why all the clutter?)"
where it languished without follow-up.

Meanwhile Cronan began working on his MSTing. On July 22nd he sent me
the opening "Satellite of Love" sequence for my feedback. I returned
comments (mostly that I *loved* it without change) and awaited a final version.
On August 7th I followed up with him:

> > So what happened?
> Dunno.  Stopped working on it.
> > Hope your doing OK :)
> I don't like to complain.

Which I took to mean it was getting too hard to continue and I let it drop. The
opening "Satellite of Love" sequence, while short, was really unique. I think,
because of reasons you'll soon see, that Cronan would appreciate my sharing
it with you. As far as I know, it's the last MSTing he ever worked on.


[Welcome, ladies and gents, to the Satellite.  A Usenet cloning experiment
gone horribly awry (like one could go any other way) has resulted in the
separation of Nanorc and Plain & Simple Cronan from Cronan.  Let's see what happens when
Cronan is forced to sit with himself.]

CRONAN: I'm not speaking to either of you.
P&SC & NANORC: Why not?
P&SC:  It's me who should be pissed...  dropped like a hot potato, I was.
CRONAN: Nanorc does nothing but bitch and moan and Plain and Simple got
 boring. Fast.
P&SC:  You try mixing it up with Denbiem and his stooges and see how        
 interesting you stay!
NANORC: And I've got cancer!  I'm entitled to bitch and moan.
CRONAN: You don't have cancer.  I have cancer.  You just play someone      
 who has cancer on the Usenet.
NANORC: A mere technicality.  Belief is 9/10ths of reality.  And P&SC        
 did a fair amount of pissing and moaning too.
P&SC:  That was in the name of justice. 
CRONAN: That was so you could hear yourself talk.
P&SC:  Says you.  I was righteously indignant at the horrendous        
 treatment I received at the hands of a power mad tinpot
 dictator and his mindless hirelings for questioning the word of their
 penny-ante god.
CRONAN: You mean you pissed off Jay by being mean to JMS.
P&SC:  I think you're just upset because I'm the only one here who is a
 master of plain simplicity.
 NANORC: Thank god for small favors.

[The Satellite begins to shakes; the lights dim and then begin to flash and
strobe.  A siren begins to wail.]

P&SC:  Wazzat?
CRONAN: Dear lord.  It's him.
CRONAN: Blackhawk.

[From a base deep within the Earth comes a vid feed direct to The Satellite.
On it appears a giant bird creature and a small ghost.]

MORTIS: And me.  No one ever remembers to fear my coming.  I'm a        
 ghoul, damn it.  Fear me.  Boo!
BLACKHAWK: OH shut up.  Hi Cronans.  And you too Nanorc.  I trust          
 you're not well?

[Back on the Satellite]

CRONAN: Hissssssssss!  Evil!  <spit>

[Back on Earth]

BH:    I love you too.  Guess what I did?  Go ahead guess.  You'll never
 get it in a million years.

[Back on the Satellite]

P&SC:  Laid an egg?
NANORC: Became a Mormon?


Even in this last little piece, 
he was f**king brilliant.


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