The Conservation of Sense Theory

(Cronan Thompson)

From: "Plain and Simple Cronan" <>
Subject: The Conservation of Sense(a bold new theory)
Date: 07 Nov 1997 00:00:00 GMT
Message-ID: <63vfln$>
Organization: Wierd

"Jim Williams" <> writes:

>> After reading several of the other posts on this thread, I'm not in
>> agreement with me too. I'm not setting a bad precident by admitting I'm
>> wrong on this one, am I?

Kevin Bratager wrote

>Hell no! If Cronan can do it, anybody can. ;-)

You have made a classic error. You seem to believe my statements that
contradict what your feeble mind has determined to be real or true are in
some way 'wrong' or 'incorrect'. The Conservation of Sense prevents it from
being so.

You probably want an explanation, yes?

Well, it has to do with the amount of sense vs nonsense in the universe. You
see they are constant. The sensible can neither be created or destroyed.
However, if you accelerate nonsense to the speed of light squared it becomes
sense(S=nsc^2) due to some fancy math that I don't have the time to explain.

In order to increase the apparent sensibility of a thing you must decrease
its nonsense factor. This nonsense is transfered elsewhere through a complex
series of relationships that you probably don't understand unless you are a
Duct Tape ranked god. Of course there are what we Trained Scienticians call
stupidty singularities. [The most prevelant in American Society[tm] is
'Christianity'.] They are objects so nonsensical that it is impossible for
anything to achieve the escape velocity(which is in excess of 300,000km per

Of course since these blackholes clearly exist and can be readily identified
thanks to a strange type of 'raditiation', first defined by Norman, my elf,
consisting of pairs of elementary logic popping into existentence. Usually
these particles annihilate each other preventing the observation of the
violation of conservation of sense. When these pragmatic particles pop into
existence near a blackhole one falls in. The process thereby keeps the
balance sheets of the universe in order by adding negative sense to the
blackhole greater than what was required for its creation accounting for the
sense the escaping pragmatist is observed to have.

There is *some* embezzlement but we try not to talk about that

In other words: by using space-time like a ukulele I can transform a finite
amount of ns to S by causing it to transpose the inverse.

Example: Because of Conservation of Sense the creation of my elf
necessitated Bill Clinton's poltical career, WebTV and Star Trek: Voyager to
keep the universe from having an epileptic fit.

Don't ask who is responsible AOL. I haven't a clue.

Any questions?

-- Plain and Simple Cronan, Captain of the USS Megadittos <*>
Wanna know how the generally obscene and seemlingly simple
place you believe to be reality is really run? No? Then go to for a brief FAQ
on the universe

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