Contract to the transfer of a human soul

(Cronan Thompson)

Being of sound body and mind, I do hereby approve and affirm the transfer of my soul, to be defined for the purposes of this agreement as the immaterial essence, animating principle, or actuating cause of an individual life, in my possesion to another party for reimbursement through monetary compensation.

In attaching my signature to this document I do not automatically acknowledge the existence of the human soul as defined above. Nor does it attest to or preclude the signing party’s observance as principium any deity, belief system, church, religion, sect, spirituality, contemporary or ancient mythology with membership in excess of 2 persons. It does, however, state that should such an emanation exist it is no longer my property.

Should the Judeo-Christian tenet which asserts the existence of a eternal paradise, referred to as heaven, and a realm of the eternally damned, heretofore referred to as hell, prove to be indubitable I thoroughly and without exaggeration or hesitation understand and accept that entrance into either unknown may be hindered to an unknown degree. If some other hereafter should require said emanation it has been satisfactorily explained that all interest accumulated during my ownership has been transfered with my signature.

The conditions of sale include the transference of US currency from the buyer, one Cronan Maliki Jamel Thompson, to ______________________________ in the amount of _____________ before consignment of said soul occurs, the signature of the soul’s owner on the bottom of this document, and acceptance of this contract in spite of the dubious nature under strict contractual law.


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