Isn't it just so scary how similar the characters on South Park and WebTV users are?
Let's look at these hastily made up facts:
- In South Park there is a little fat kid named Cartman who is not only belligerent, racist, sexist and ignorant but completely convinced he knows everything.
WebTVers had fat wallets which they lightened by buying WebTVs so they could prove to the world that they are indeed belligerent, sexist, racist and totally convinced that computers suck cause they don't know how to work one.
- In South Park there is a kid named Kenny who serves no purpose other than to die in *every* episode.
WebTVers serve no purpose other than to take up valuable bandwidth and give me a reason to rant about the inequities of evil men.
- The mayor of South Park wants to achieve high political office.
WebTVers want to post to the Usenet without being laughed at by subhuman AOLers.
- South Park is populated by characters who talk to hand puppets.
WebTV is full of the people who considered AOL too difficult to figure out.
- South Park pulls no punches.
Most WebTVers were beaten in the head as children.
- Jesus opened up a can of whoop ass on Santa Claus in South Park.
Santa Claus is bringing lots of WebTVs to Middle America this holiday season.
Are you seeing a trend emerging? If not, let's take a deeper look by comparing South Park to Star Trek: Voyager.
I know what your saying: didn't you just draw a parallel between WebTVers and South Park? The answer is yes but you must remember that South Park, being the sum total of human civilization thus far, can be drawn parallel to anything with little heavy lifting. Let's look at some more hastily made up facts.
- The Chef is always telling people to make sweet love while moaning and groaning until 3:00am.
7 of 9 is was designed for fanboys to fantasize about while moaning and groaning in the bathroom at 3:00am.
- Kenny is eaten by rats after dies in every episode.
Neelix looks like something that was eaten by a rat and kills every scene he is in.
- Stan wants to be a dirty little bastard.
Harry Kim is a Dirty Little Bastard.
- South Park insults everyone, pulling no punches.
Voyager insults everyone, forcing convulsions.
- South Park has a gay animal sanctuary where they can live out their days in peace and love.
UPN is running a bad writers sanctuary.
- And the most telling of them all:
- Cartman is a clueless, misogynistic pigf***er who has problems with mommy.
Janeway is a clueless misogynistic Chakotayf***er who has problems with daddy.