Who D-- T----- really is

(Cronan Thompson)

From:         "Cronan" <huh@mindspring.com>
Newsgroups:   alt.fan.bam,alt.fan.tom-servo,rec.arts.sf.tv
Subject:      Who's that guy?
Date:         Mon, 1 Mar 1999 21:13:08 -0500
Organization: If only you knew
Message-ID:   <7bfha0$quo$1@samsara0.mindspring.com>

Podkayne Fries wrote
>D-- T----- wrote:
>>Well at least i had a whole day thinking that someone actually on the
>>ngs doesn't dislike me.
><banging head into desk>  Well, I feel like shit.

Amazing weapon, niceness.

>> I know that some of you think i am a great evil - well at least Cronan does.
>>Oh well.
><sigh>  Why do I feel as if I just kicked a puppy?  To the best of my
>recollection, this is the first time that anyone has made me feel guilty
>over one of my posts.

Yes, T----- is a master.  His mix of oblivious banality, sincere
clueless and poor comprehension with childish niceness to create
trollerizer gold[1] is simply beyond the ken of mere mortals such
as we of the KPS.

>D--, you *still* don't get it.  In your original post, you asked "Who
>ever came up with this silly notion that if a man is over 30 and
>i am assuming never been married are either homosexual or serial
>*I* did.  I wrote that post.  I was trolling.  In responding to your
>post, I was *still* trolling.  You completely missed that.

No, he didn't, Podkayne.  Your intent was crystal clear to him...
Why do you think he responded?  He offered you the type of response
trollerizers DREAM of.  He fed you the line that no self-respecting
troll could pass over.  And you replied.  He got.  He got you with
his tractor beam equipped nipple clamps[3] and played you for a

Don't feel bad.  He's done it to hundreds of others and will do
it again.  And again.  He can't be stopped.  He can't be reasoned
with.  He's got but one purpose on the Usenet, and that is to meta

>That doesn't mean that I don't think that you're a nice guy, mind you,
>but you *really* have to pay more attention to what people write.  Had
>you read all the posts in that thread, you would have realized that I
>was teasing you.

Oh, he pays attention all right.  He sees.  He must read every
post on rec.arts.sf.tv, looking for potential subjects he might
subvert to his dastardly scheme.

>And in Message-ID: <36DA9FA1.20A0@cabletron.com>, D-- wrote:
>>Also believe it or not i am in rl kind of shy. I think thats my
>>Yes it is a contradiction. In the ng i show 0 shyness in rl i am
>>kind of the opposite.
>>Don't ask i don't understand either.
>You need to get away from the TV for a while.  Volunteer as a teacher's
>aide at a local school - it's *really* difficult to find male
>volunteers.  Teach Sunday school.  Volunteer at the library.  Heck, you
>could start an SF reading group at a local library.   There are lots of
>easy ways to make new friends.

See, he's drawn you out.  Now you're being nice to him.  He's
got you convinced you stepped on the wagging tale of a playful
pup.  It's so insidious clever the jealously I feel for not
having thought of it first is eating me alive.

But then I console myself by realizing that he must be someone
else.  Someone who I've always known was smarter and more
talented than I.  David Hines?  Nah.  He's smart and all but not
EVIL smart.  David Sluess?  Couldn't be.  He's got mean streak
3 miles wide and several thousand deep but he doesn't play
stupid well.  Bryan Lambert?  Not him.  Unless he's Troy Heagy
too.  Robin Cook?  A distinct possiblity.  She's hidden her
intelligence for years... why not suppress it all together?
Tom Holt?  Unless he commutes from Great Britian twice a day,
no.  (Were he in the US, however, he'd be my prime suspect.)
Blackhawk?  Nah.  He can play anyone, why play an idiot?  Frank
Hummel?  Too, ummm, fiercely anti-stupid.  Capt. Infinity?  Hmmm.
Possible.  He's got motive, opportunity and more raw emotion
laying about than just about anyone else.  jdn? Prime Suspect.
He's spent months trying to convince me T----- ain't what I think
he is but has always done so in a actively passive fashion,
inconsistent with his usual modus operandi.  Yes indeed.  T-----
may very well be jdn.

Of course, I'm ignoring the fact that T----- may indeed be some
one whom I've never considered intelligent, clever or talented.
Perhaps the moderators, S. Knight or Jesus Christ.  Who the hell
knows?  There's only one thing that I'm absolutely sure of: his
power, though it may eclipse my own isn't all encompassing.  And
he too shall fall.


[1] A troll alchemist[2]?  Who'd have thunk we'd live to see the day?

[2] I suppose this would make WebTV his Philosopher's Stone. *shudder*

[3] Yes, well, it's a metaphor and shouldn't be looked at too deeply.

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