Trek vs Wars and Cronan

(Wayne Poe)

In early '97 I began to save messages from the "Star Trek vs. Star Wars" arguements that ran through several newsgroups at the time. I eventually made a web page out of them. This is where I first saw the wit and wisdom of "Plain and Simple" Cronan. His one-liners and devastating rebuttals had me laughing and shaking my head at the same time. I saw someone with a burning intelligence, unafraid of being as juvenile as possible if it served to skewer, or made for a hilarious retort.

I was never a close friend to Cronan, but we exchanged a few e-mails. When I told him I'd saved some of the best Trek vs. Wars arguements, he asked that I send them to him, which I did. He then used many of them in his posts, but in a twisted, uniquely Cronan way! Cronan eventuall grew tired of these "vs" arguements, and I rarely saw posts from him in the newsgroups I subscribed to. Time and again, I'd check Deja to see what he was up to. I did so last night, and discovered that Cronan is no longer with us. "There goes the black guy..."

I've never been hit with such a sadness for the passing of someone I've never known before, but this news really got to me. Cronan was a true original. I hope Norman posts in his stead.

"I am Astound by your highly intellectual mind, you sound very sexy, usaully i dont date Trekkers, but i can make an exception, Have you ever taken it anally James Grady Ward? I would love to steal your manhood. James, do you have ICQ? can you send me neked pix of your self while watching StarWars?"

"I had a nice long rebuttal written. 900 lines. Pretty impressive. I quoted several sources, offered canon evidence, the whole bit.
And then I realized I was arguing with one who has faith and deleted it all. I just couldn't stand to trod on anothers Bible."

"How poor of you Daniel. I quoted from comptons on exactly why my mass estimate was correct. Shall I do so again? In really big letters this time if you want?"

"Norman has some pretty nasty things to say to you. I can't repeat them for I am a gentlemen."

"Civil discussion is reserved not for those who claim they "know" but those who *demonstrate* they "know". Not matter how genuine your desire for rational discussion maybe, it's destined to evolve into a melee due the frustation any knowledgeable party is likely to feel at the repeated misunderstandings that arise from your ignorance of the most basic terms. Your point of view, having been birthed in a cesspool of fanboy ignorance, is not a benign contradiction to viewpoints that arise from knowledge and learning but a violent slap to those of us who know better but haven't the patience to explain."

Return to Online Tribute to Cronan Thompson.