From: "Plain and Simple Cronan" <cronan@DeathsDoor.com> Subject: Cronan went on the Usenet Date: 07 Jun 1998 00:00:00 GMT Message-ID: <firstname.lastname@example.org> Organization: Wierd Newsgroups: alt.fan.bam,alt.fan.tom-servo,alt.tv.babylon-5,rec.arts.sf.tv, rec.arts.sf.tv.babylon5,rec.arts.tv David Thompson wrote > By my reckoning, the Shadow War didn't really get going until "Inter- >ludes and Examinations", which was in August 2260 according to the >voiceover. The stuff before that was sparring and minor skirmishes, not >a full-blown conflict. ITF was about a third of the way into 2261, so >that gives you a war of about nine months. Troy Heagy wrote >...versus the Iraqi War which lasted 100 hours. Troy, you've inspired a song in me. "Cronan Went On The Usenet" [Sung to Charlie Daniels Band's "The Devil Went Down to Georgia"] Cronan went on the Usenet He was lookin' for a new special friend He was in a bind 'cause he was way behind And he was bored right off his rear end When he came across this fanboy Typing on his keyboard and postin' tons o' snot Cronan leaped up off his comfy chair And said, "Troy, let me tell you what "I guess you didn't know it, son But I used to be a fanboy too And if you'd care to be cured of it I'll lift it off of you "Now you talk in silly riddles, boy But give this man his due I bet a week of troll free posts 'Cause I think I can cure you too" Then Troy said "My name's Heagy And while it's certainly uncouth I'll take your bet and you're gonna regret 'Cause I'm the most pitiful in this here roost" Troy oil your up your keyboard And stretch the truth real hard 'Cause Cronan's on the Usenet And he uses real purdy words And if you win This place'll have one troll less But when you lose Cronan burns your dress Cronan did a sinful dance And he said "I'll begin this game" And fire flew from his fingertips In yet another attempt to inflame And he pulled the doops across his flames And they made an evil hiss Cook then DB and even Dan Tropee Were all flung into the abyss When the Cronan finished Heagy said "Well you're pretty good, young man But in the end I'll always win Because illogic and I're kin!" Cronan bowed his head Because he knew that he'd been beat And he left Heagy to his craze Troy went on to suck at JMS' teat Heagy said "Cronan, just come on back When you're a fanboy again But I told you once, you bad ole troll I'm a fanboy like none that's ever been" Some of the doozies you come up with (the Robin Hood/King Arthur one is still my fave...) leave me wondering how long it takes your mind to hammer reality into this week's mold. Do you use physical force or blunt psychological trauma? Have you ever re-read one of your posts and wondered how many innocent facts were mortally wounded in its creation? Are you so cold-hearted as to continue your almost genocidal rage against logic and common sense? Are you aware that your posts are the logical equivalent of gay Christian Coalition members? Why, Troy, Why? I grant you that the need for substance in an empty life often leads to instability but surely you can at least make an attempt. For the sake of those who love and care for our sanity, might you attempt to put a halt to your all out assault on those who do not wish to live through the nuclear winter that surrounds each of your bombing raids? Consider what I have said this day, Fair Heagy, and know that I wish only the best for you, a fellow whose ability to troll on the most arcane subjects I admire greatly. Thank you. P&SC ...and some people say Troy's boring! He's more entertaining than a small child, nude porn star and a sharp object in a tilt-a-whirl operated by a dead chimp.
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