Someone stole MY wallet!

(Cronan Thompson)

It was the midget ninja lesbians. It's true! They attacked me from all sides while I was sitting at the bus stop. Luckily enough, I had just watched Jackie Chan's Drunken Master 2 hours before so I was prepared. I tripped the first one, who fell and broke his arm. Luckily enough the next one tripped over him, and bowling ball sound effects were heard as the rest fell. I took that opportunity to give my dog a big kiss (for luck). By that time they had gathered themselves and formed VOLTRON. Using a sweeping triple leg kick, I disassembled Voltron with nought but a single blow to her might scrotum. This killed the central midget. I was just about to pull out my BFG (Big Fucking Gun for you illiterate types) when the first midget, long since thought dead by me and my dog, turned into a zombie midget lesbian samurai. I retreated into the Mini Mart where I opened fire on the evil gang approaching. Unfortunately the Refridgerator People showed up. Attacking with all their might was simply not enough to overcome my awe inspring defense... then I remembered I was the black guy so I died.

To make a long story short: Has anyone seen my wallet?

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