The Worf-Pooh Conspiracy

(Cronan Thompson)

I have discovered a sad fact about Star Trek that until now has been covered up by several powerful people. Winnie the Pooh and Lt. Cmdr. Worf are related, although it is not quite clear what this relation is.

I know what you are thinking. You're saying, "The Boy has finally lost his mind."

And that may be true but read the evidence below very carefully and you will see the conspiracy that is after all that we as Trekkers hold dear.

First of all is the remarkable resemblance. Pooh is a short, rotund, yellow, stuffed animal, oft described either as a "tubby little cubby all stuffed with fluff" or a "bear of very little thought." Worf is a tall, fit, brownish, humanoid, oft described as a "permanently pissed off warrior" or "that big angry guy over there with the bigger sword." Do you see the tremendous similarities?? It is almost unbelievable how these similarities have remained unnoticed for so long. This points further to cover-up. But let us move onto the next piece of evidence, shall we?

Next are the similarities in belief. Pooh (being, as is often stated by himself, a bear of very little thought) believes that all life was put in his universe (the 100 acre wood) for the sole purpose of providing him with honey. Worf believes that all life was put in the universe that he may one day growl at it fiercely, while firing phasers and torpedoes at it. How this has been missed before eludes me. The cover-up should be getting clearer now.

Body language is another area of great congruency that has always broken through this conspiracy. Pooh is often caught practicing a dance very similar to Klingon Martial Arts and Worf has been seen waddling through DS9's corridors carrying a jar with "HUNNY" printed rather sloppily on the side.

The final and most telling piece of proof is in both of there unique phraseology. Here is a list of the quotes which fit together best.

Worf says, "Today is a good day to die."

Pooh says, "Oh Bother." To the casual observer this may seem meaningless but if you look closely these phrases come into alignment. In psychological terms, this is a clear indicator of needing to see Troi naked.

Worf sings Klingon opera most of which is dedicated to warriors.

Pooh sings, "I am a little black rain cloud." It should be quite clear by now that they are not only related but close relations. But to satisfy my critics I shall give one more example.

Worf says, "There is an incoming message from Starfleet."

Pooh says, "I am rumbly in my tumbly." This is all the proof I can offer. It has been a pleasure bringing to your attention to this problem.

Life is a scary thing. Better bring a piece of soap.
Cronan Thompson

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