Why I should be Voyager's head writer

(Cronan Thompson)

As follows is a list of reasons why I should be Voyager's head writer:

  1. I am 17. This in and of itself proves that I am more mature than Voyager's writers. Their maturity was scientifically established after Favorite Sun aired to be inferior to that of most 10 year-olds.
  2. In spite of the fact that I have never gotten an "A" in a Language class I am more articulate than most of Voyager's writers, including Jeri Taylor who majored in English.
  3. I have recently began an underwear collection. This proves that I, in my hobbies, am more creative than the writers in thier chosen profession.
  4. I am a student. This accomplishment is held in greater esteem than writing for Voyager.
  5. Nothing I have ever written has ever caused anyone to seriously contemplate suicide and/or homocide.
  6. No matter how poorly spelled, badly worded or just plain stupid anything I might post is it is never edited, censored or otherwise altered by a third class network whose best show revolves around ex-Huxtable.
  7. I stopped babbling when I was 3. Voyager's writers put it in scripts and broadcast it on national Television.
  8. On my shoulder lives a sadistic little blue elf who goes by the name Norman. He often faints whenever I watch Voyager; proving even my imaginary friends have more taste than Voyager's writers.
  9. What I write is *intentionally* funny and intended for ridicule.
  10. I never have, and never would, force some innocent and unexpecting network to waste over 120 million dollars (to date), over some 70 attempts, on poorly rated, critically panned peices of garbage. I did once however have an AOL account which costs all of $20.00.
  11. I gained control of my hormones after I finished puberty.
  12. What I write is often viewed as being racist, sexist and/or homophobic (not to mention blasphemous) yet I have managed to offend the sensibilities fewer people than Voyager.

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