Star Trek's Messiah

(Cronan Thompson)

Trekdom has awaited a leader. That is why I have arrived. Picture, if you able, a dark time dominated by people none too different than yourself. The usenet had fallen to these forces to orthodoxy who insisted Trek was good and 'just entertainment' in an effort to defuse all valid criticisms. They were powerful in their ignorance. Supreme in their desire to remain entrenched in the quagmire of their stupidty. They formed a cadre whose rallying cry, "If you don't like it then DON'T WATCH",  was so persuasive that some merely folded, having no response for this inept argument, and left. But not I. Oh no. I found several.

I arrived with the sounding of trumpets and the power of a god to rectify this miscarriage of justice. The joyus chorus that errupted from the beleagured forces of the light were truly monstrous. With skill beyond the bounds of all that had been known before and powers so stupefyingly stupendous they continue to baffle one as great as myself, I gathered an army behind me and waves of sacrificial lambs in front, crushed Voyager Fandom into a itty bitty ball and slam dunked it on the razor sharp edge that is my intellect. With as much effort as it takes you to draw a breath into that otherwise useless carcass you mistakenly assume is alive I continue to do things that go far beyond your feeble comprehension. In my numerous attmepts to stoop down from on high and watch as you scurry and squirm under what amounts to my left big toe.

Some have called me a messiah. Who am I to argue? Star Trek, a once proudfranchise, is running dry. Only one such as myself with less respect for fans than Braga could ever must, more greed than all of Viacom put together and a nifty talent for inflating my own importance can hope to save Star Trek from the vile and malignant cancer that you and those like you represent.

Never doubt me. I am Plain and Simple Cronan, Captain of the USS Megadittos, Leader of The World Oligarchy and Supreme Ruler of the ALL.

Return to Online Tribute to Cronan Thompson.