Why I watch Voyager

(Cronan Thompson)

10 Good Reasons:

1. It would be hard, even for one as consistently brilliant as myself to degrade Voyager fans(running a close second behind god on my shit list) without have some knowledge of their liturgy.

2. I sometimes enjoy running head first at a brick wall after pooring a hornets nest into my BVDs. Voyager is far more painful and leaves fewer scars.

3. Even Hitler liked dogs and children.

4. As ST on the whole becomes increasingly unwatchable I have a certain vile fascination with how low the show can sink.

5. A sense of duty. You see I have often felt that it is my responsibility to tune in and watch for the sake of my grandchildren. I can see a day far in the future when I'll circle them around, sit back in Spacely Sprocket Rocking Chair and explain to them the truth about the collapse of our civilization detailing Baywatch Nights, Voyager and increasing attendance in churches nationwide as the largest contributing factors.

6. Comedic material. In all the known universe nothing is quite as humorous as sitting around with 3 or 5 other people attempting to prove that the fungus growing in the decaying forskin of an aborted fetus is more intelligent than Janeway.

7. A love of bad cinema. Having seen all of Ed Wood's films. Speed 2 and Batman and Robin I can tell you that on the heap of poorly written, acted and produced entertainment Voyager shines like brighter than but a few others whose names are being withheld to protect the families of those involved.

8. Searching for Mr. Goodbar.... I have no idea what this means but the movie was pretty bad and it just seemed appropriate.

9. A sadistic blue elf named Norman who, in a brazen attempt to become the dominant personality in the schizophrenic, pop culture congested jumble that I, despite much evidence to the contrary, refer to as a mind, is trying to out do Doc Forrestor over MST3k's way.

10. I am Star Trek's Messiah.

I do hope that clears up the issue for you all.

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