A Plain and Simple Series, #3

The Worf-Pooh Conspiracy

(Cronan Thompson)


        I have discovered a sad fact about Star Trek
that until now has been
covered up by several powerful people. Winnie the Pooh
and Lt. Cmdr. Worf
are related, although it is not quite clear what this
relation is.
        I know what you are thinking. You’re saying,
“The Boy has finally lost his
        And that may be true but read the evidence
below very carefully and you
will see the conspiracy that is after all that we as
Trekkers hold dear.
        First of all is the remarkable resemblance.
Pooh is a short, rotund,
yellow, stuffed animal, oft described either as a
‘tubby little cubby all
stuffed with fluff’ or a ‘bear of very little thought.’
Worf is a tall,
fit, brownish, humanoid, oft described as a
‘permanently pissed off
Warrior’ or that ‘big angry guy over there with the
bigger sword.’ Do you
see the tremendous similarities?? It is almost
unbelievable how these
similarities have remained unnoticed for so long. This
points further to
cover-up. But let us move onto the next piece of
evidence, shall we?
        Next are the similarities in belief. Pooh
(being, as is often stated by
himself, a bear of very little thought) believes that
all life was put in
his universe (the 100 acre wood) for the soul purpose
of providing him
honey. Worf believes that all life was put in the
universe that he may one
day growl at it fiercely, while firing phasers and
torpedoes at it. How
this has been missed before eludes me. The cover-up
should be getting
clearer now.
        Body language is another area of great
congruency that has always broken
through this conspiracy. Pooh is often caught
practicing a dance very
similar to Klingon Martial Arts and Worf has been seen
waddling through
DS9’s corriders carrying a jar with “HUNNY” printed
rather sloppily on the
        The final and most telling piece of proof is in
both of there unique
phraseology. Here is a list of the quotes which fit
together best.
        Worf says, “Today is a good day to die.”
        Pooh says, “Oh Bother.” To the casual observer
this may seem meaningless
but if you look closely these phrases come into
alignment. In psycological
terms, this is a clear indicator of needing to see Troi
        Worf sings  klingon opera most of which is
dedicated to warriors.
        Pooh sings, “ I am a little black rain cloud.”
It should be quite clear by
know that they are not only related but close
relations. But to satisfy my
critics I shall give one more example.
        Worf says, “There is an incoming message from
        Pooh says, “I am rumbly in my tumbly.” This is
all the proof I can offer.
It has been a pleasure bringing to your attention to
this problem
                                59. Life is a scary
                                thing. Better
                                bring a peice of soap.
                                Captain Cronan Thompson

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