A Plain and Simple Series, #30

Star Trek's Messiah

(Cronan Thompson)


        Trekdom has awaited a leader. That is why I
have arrived. Picture, if you able, a dark time
dominated by people none too different than yourself.
The usenet had fallen to these forces to orthodoxy who
insisted Trek was good and 'just entertainment' in an
effort to defuse all valid criticisms. They were
powerful in their ignorance. Supreme in their desire to
remain entrenched in the quagmire of their stupidty.
They formed a cadre whose rallying cry, "If you don't
like it then DON'T WATCH",  was so persuasive that some
merely folded, having no response for this inept
argument, and left. But not I. Oh no. I found several.
        I arrived with the sounding of trumpets and the
power of a god to rectify this miscarriage of justice.
The joyus chorus that errupted from the beleagured
forces of the light were truly monstrous. With skill
beyond the bounds of all that had been known before and
powers so stupefyingly stupendous they continue to
baffle one as great as myself, I gathered an army
behind me and waves of sacrificial lambs in front,
crushed Voyager Fandom into a itty bitty ball and slam
dunked it on the razor sharp edge that is my intellect.
With as much effort as it takes you to draw a breath
into that otherwise useless carcass you mistakenly
assume is alive I continue to do things that go far
beyond your feeble comprehension. In my numerous
attmepts to stoop down from on high and watch as you
scurry and squirm under what amounts to my left big
        Some have called me a messiah. Who am I to
argue? Star Trek, a once proud franchise, is running
dry. Only one such as myself with less respect for fan
s than Braga could ever must, more greed than all of
Viacom put together and a nifty talent for inflating my
own importance can hope to save Star Trek from the vile
and malignant cancer that you and those like you
        Never doubt me. I am Plain and Simple Cronan,
Captain of the USS Megadittos, co-leader of The World
Oligarchy and Supreme Ruler of the ALL.
        What was it you were saying again? I seem to
have to gone off track....

-- Plain and Simple Cronan, Captain of the USS Megadittos <*>

Return to the Cochrane Collection.

Return to the Online Tribute to Cronan Thompson.