A Plain and Simple Series, #34

The Unabomber, Smurfs and Saving Private Ryan

(Cronan Thompson)


        I have a theory linking the Unabomber with
Jokey Smurf. Any one else think that Ted Kazinski was
forced to watch the Smurfs as a child and thus believe
that self expression through explosions was not only
acceptable but perfectly reasonable in a society with
people like Brainy Smurf? I'm not trying to be mean or
nothing I'm just saying that had Jokey not blown Smurfs
up at every given opportunity, the Unabomber might have
taken to writing long books called the "Quotations of
Ted" or something.
        My secret shame, folks. My deep dark secret: I
laughed all the way through what was probably the most
dramatic movie of the year, Saving Private Ryan. I
couldn't help myself. Parts of it were just too funny.
The old guy shuffling along followed by his grandkids
who looked like they had just gotten back from their
plastic surgeon... the guy looking for his arm in the
middle of the battle, the crispy Germans jumping from
the bunker...
        I'm sorry but I laughed my ass off for almost
the entire movie. The only part that stopped me
laughing was when Tom Hanks laid a heavy guilt trip on
Ryan by saying, "EARN IT!"
        That got me howling.

Plain and Simple Cronan
...come on, I can't be the only one...

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