A Plain and Simple Series, #5

Predictions for upcoming episodes

(Cronan Thompson)


        Well I just found out that Dax and Worf are
getting together this season on DS9. Using the psychic
powers given me by a traveling gypsy by the light of
the full moon I am going to divine how this
relationship is going to end. My powers are limited so
I can see multiple possible outcomes.  Here they are.

1. Worf accidentally eats Dax in midorgasm.
2. Bashir, in a fit of jealous rage, attacks Worf,
misses, accidentally killing a Founder spy and is
promoted to captain. He immediately demotes Worf to
Ensign Jr. Grade in charge of hull scrubbing.
3. Troi shows up with a baby and a paternity suit.
4. Sisko falls over laughing after visualizing Curzon
and Worf, has a coronary. Racked by guilt Dax shoots
the symbiont because IT found Worf attractive.
5. Kira has the Mrs. O'Brien's baby and it has ridges
when it shouldn't. O'Brien castrates Worf with the
Defiant's phasers.

        I have also heard that Voyager is going to end
up at near Earth in 1996 with no Eugenics War. I have
devined (using said powers) what will happen in this

1. Janeway will make an attempt at a Picard-like speech
and fail.
2. Paris will get laid or come close to it. I am fuzzy
on the details.
3. No one will die.
4. Someone will almost be caught and then saved by the
5. Nichelle Nichols' psychic friends will save Voyager
from Latoya Jacksons' psychic friends.
6. God will appear to Janeway and say, "You suck." This
was a dream but it would be nice.

        Some episode possibilities for the next season
of Voyager:
        Janeway walks out of the turbo lift and heads
towards her seat. Tuvok vaporizes her. When asked why
he did that by Kim he responds, "Well you weren't" Kim
promptly kills himself out of fear he is never going to
get laid...... Chakotay gets up and sets back down in
the captain's chair.
        After that Janeway (whom Neelix managed to use
an inverse poliron detection network coupler to save
from the destructive force of Tuvok's phaser) finds a
wormhole in Tuvok's forehead which leads to the beta
quadrant (explains Tuvok's behavior recently). Janeway
then tries to enter it but gets stopped by the Gorn,
who believe that all Starfleet ships are cursed.
        Kes does a nude scene. Oh yeah and Voyager does
something too.
        After months of not getting laid, Janeway
orders the crew to a planet inhabited by suspiciously
humanoid creatures who turn out to be escapees from a
Battlestar Galactica episode.
        Mulder and Scully show up. Decide the future is
a bore and that the truth is out there just not on
        After Voyager runs into a Federation signal
they come across a clone of Seska who refuses to put on
clothes till they make her captain. Janeway has no
choice but to give up the captaincy for reasons
concerning the Prime Directive.
        Seska is mysteriously shot in the head by an
also naked Harry Kim who claims that Janeway made him
do it. Janeway smiles and tells them all to go look up
a Buttafuco.
        God/Allah/Buddha/Kali/The Pope (he thinks he's
a god) decide that Star Trek is a dangerous religion
that encourages freedom of thought. All Star Trek
ceases to ever have existed.
        Anyone have any other god episode ideas? Mine
are for Voyager, DS9 ones would be cool.

I keep hearing this voice telling me that
I'm an alcoholic, especially when I'm drinking.
Capt. Cronan Thompson

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